So far away and yet so close. I have just experienced the new meaning of these words out of my old song... I don't feel this closeness to you when you hug me and cry, because it doesn't seem so genuine to me. But i feel you in and with my guts when you are miles away. As ridiculous as it may sound, which also goes against my favorite Pushkin, who says that everybody is capable of love no matter how old he/she is... You are too young to love... And yet, you are the only one who made me feel loved and cared for. You are the one with whom at times instinctual love, love without realization feels right. We are not ying and yang... We strive for such different things. We want to be in different places but together. Impossibility is our barier. Your impossibility to give your all to love and mine to not. Yours to attach deeply and mine to not. Yet there is no confrontation. We can create together, we actively listen to each other and are eager to learn from one another. We run away from each other due to completely different reasons. You want to discover the world by yourself and I want to discover it with you. We both strive for knowledge, but I want to share it with you, whereas you want to show to me you have it. Each time we meet, I let you find out more about myself and you get amazed, yet after that you run away for good not to be haunted by it the next time and not to lose your independance. And each time I meet you I want to give a bit of my independance to you. Each time we meet, I get confused and fear to respond to your affection. By the time I am ready to believe in it again, it starts fading on your side, because you get scared again... You give your whole self to me when I am near and everybody thinks you can't imagine your life without me. But when you leave, you take your whole self back without leaving a little part. I am tired of you, yet I crave for you. I am glad I might never see you again, yet this is the cause of my panic attacks as well. You will never be able to make me happy, yet you are the one who makes my heart beat from one thought about you. And I don't want to ever come back to you, but I will be, over and over again, at least in my dreams, where I always exactly see...